Rewind And Push Play....

So I had a dream last night. I am usually not one to talk about my dreams, but this one was so vivid and real. It was like someone had recorded events in my life and I found myself reliving the events all over again.

The dream all centered around Michael's death and it was happening all over again. Step by step. Each moment, from the time of being told that he was dead all the way up to his wake. It was so real and so painfull. I felt I was in a time warp. The conversations that I had, the pain and the heartache. It was truly as if someone had hit rewind and then pushed play on my life.

Not a dream or aspect of my life I wish to revisit.

A Visit From Mom

Well my Mom flew in on Thursday of last week, it was great to see her. It dawned on me a few days before her arrival that I had not seen her in a year. Not since Michael's death.

We had a wonderfull time. Lots of great talks. Great food. And she got to hang with some of my friends. And they all seem to love my Mom. It was not as long as I would have liked but it was a great time. And she got to see the new home, and that makes her happy.

Down By The Lake

So, since my move I sometimes walk over to the lake and just sit. It's just a few blocks from my house and it's one of the things I love about my neighborhood. I go and sit and reflect and I also talk to Michael. I feel very close to him there. We spent so much time together boating on that very like and it's where I feel him most around me at times. I hadn't thought much of it until this evening. That's when it dawned on me. It was a moment of tears but also of comfort.

One Year Ago...

So today is exactly one year to the day that my life changed. Tomorrow will be a year to the date. It's been a difficult year. This time last year was about celebrating Pride and again today it is about that. But, it is also a day for me to celebrate the Life of Michael.

My days are not the same without you. My life certainly is not the same. Not a day goes by that you are not thought of and missed and loved. I only wish you could be here. But I will lift a glass of champagne in your honor and tell you once again. TMD Michael. TMD.....

The Big Move

So, the BIG move was Saturday the 22nd of May, I was up early, and by that I mean before 6am. Started getting the last few things done before the movers rolled up somewhere between 7:30 and 8:00 am, only to be called and told, oopps we have a brake problem. They would arrive no later then 9am. Well they got there by 8:30 and all went well and we were downtown at the new place before noon.

Well that was great, except, all the people on my street decided to ignore the no parking signs and blocked the area in front of my new building. So we waited, and we waited and waited. Finally they started to unload, and were finished by 4:30. They were great.

Well it's now been just over a week at the new place. All boxes are unpacked except for the office ones, but they can wait. Furniture has been arranged and rearranged. And some new items bought. Art work is starting to go up and colors are being picked for the walls. All in all not to bad for just over a week.

I love the new home, I love the space and I love the neighborhood. I can walk a couple of blocks down and be at the lake front. Winston is adjusting. I had to put to Paris down a week before the move and that broke my heart. But it was the best thing for her and that's what matters. But still another lose in my life that has brought me pain.

I look forward to enjoying my life here and considering all that has taken place over the course of the last year I think that's pretty awesome.

Where Did You Go?

I sometimes look at pictures of Michael, and I think "How did this happen, where did you go"?
It just is so bizzare to me that someone that I loved so much and so deeply could be taken in a blink of an eye.

I mean, I know it happens. I am not the only one who feels this way. But, there are days I just can NOT fathom that he is not here. I think to myself. Where Did You Go????? Why are you not here? How could you have been taken from this world when you still had so much to give.

I just don't understand somedays. Today is one of those of days. I have felt very lonely all day. I have had moments were I have thought "God who can I call and talk to". But there is no one. It is just me, alone with my thoughts and memories.
And I look at a picture of Micahel and all I can think is "Where Did You Go"?

Key West........

As of this afternoon, I no longer own our Condo in Key West. Some what bitter sweet. But the right thing to do. I will miss it and what was our home away from home.
Key West was were Michael and I meet all those years ago, who knew that our lives would be bound so tightly together.
I will miss it dearly, just as I miss him, but life marches on.....