My Dad

It was five years ago today that my Dad passed away. It was a very difficult time. He was a man of few words, but you knew you better listen when he spoke. He was a very proud and stubborn man, but if he loved you, then he would do anything he could for you.

Our relationship was not always an easy one. How could it be, I was exactly like him and just as stubborn. He suffered alot of anguish during my teen years, but somehow we managed to overcome all that and still enjoy each other and have mutual respect and love for one another.

I remember growing up how everyone would tell me that I was just like my Dad. At the time that was not what I wanted to hear. As I grew and as I get older, I am extremely gratefull that I really am just like him. I wish I would have had more time to know him as a person, like I managed to do with my Mom. But it's ok, because deep down we knew each other. I knew he loved me and he knew that I loved him. Nothing more needed to be said. But still one last conversation with him would be really nice to have. Here's to my my Dad. The Few, The Proud. A Marine through and through.

Memorial Weekend

Well, here it is. Memorial weekend, a time for us to remember our Troops in the armed services. As we all should. My own father was a Marine and served for over 20yrs. He passed back in June of 2006.

But this weekend is a time for me to reflect on other events as well that happened during this holiday weekend back in 2003. It was during this holiday weekend that I was asked to move to Chicago and begin a new aspect of my life.
I am so glad I said yes and made that move. Although I am alone now since his passing, it is always during this time that I think back to reflect and to remember.

Although it fills me with great sadness that he is no longer here, I am still so lucky to have had what time we did together. So with that said, this weekend will be spent honoring the rememberance of two men in my life who are very dear to my heart and greatly missed.

Dreams

Last night in my dreams, it was all about death. Not a good night to say the least. I was surrounded by it. Revisiting my Dads death, and Michaels. And one who is still alive. I know when that time comes it will take a very heavy toll on me. Thankfully for the time being it was only in my dream.

A Summer Day In Spring

The weather was so great today. We topped off in the mid 80's and abundant sunshine. It was such a nice change. I threw open the windows and basked in the warmth. I know it was only for the day but it's a reminder of what is just around the corner.

Dropped!!

Friends, unfortunately some of them come and go. And that's to be expected, people change and their lives evolve and they move on. What is sad though is when someone you thought was your friend suddenly just disappears from your life. No reason why, no returned commuications telling you what happened. It's as if you just cease to exist. You're just dropped from their life. It's not the first time and I'm sure it won't be the last. I just wish people would have the maturity to tell me this and inform me that my friendship is no longer desired or wanted. At least then you know instead of wondering what you did or what changed that brought the friendship to a close. I think it's only polite to be told you're being dropped as a friend.

Peace Within

I think it's important for everyone to take time, and to reflect and look at their inner self. You might be surprised at what you discover. The desire for me to do this is that it allows me the chance to make sure I'm ok that I am doing well and am happy with who I am as a person. Evenings or later in the night is always the time in which I do this. Sometimes I find I'm not doing so well and then there are times were I am really happy at the peace that I have within myself. I recommend everyone doing it at some point. It can tell you alot about yourself.

Death

I think about it a lot. Usually not a day goes by that it doesn't cross my mind. I will start to wonder if the place or places I am driving to will be the day that I have a fatal accident. Or as I am walking somewhere I will have a similiar thought. I know it's morbid. I don't do this on purpose, it just seems to be were my thought pattern goes. Last night Winston my dog was extremely restless in his crate. He awoke me at 3:17 in the morning, he wasn't barking or making any noise, it was the way he was moving around or possibly pulling at the crate door that woke me. I thought maybe he wasn't well, so I checked on him. He seemed fine, no mess or anything. So I went back to bed. A few minutes later he was back at it. So I lay there thinking ok, maybe he senses something I don't. Maybe there is something about to happen in the building and this is his way of alerting me. So I got up, got dressed, took him out for a quick walk, which seemed to be what he needed. Got back into the condo. Put him back to bed and just laid there. Listening to the night. Wondering about things that could go wrong and could this be the night. Well shortly after 5am he started back up again. I was not amused. Back outside we went. Then back inside and this time I let him sleep in my room. But the thoughts of something being wrong still loomed large in my thoughts. Tragic events that happen to us in our life really do change one's perception of things and how we think. Mine happens to be death.