Conversations......

Lots of dreams last night. Two of them containing talking to Michael, so much so that I woke myself up still talking to him. I wish I could remember them. I know they were good and that they made me smile. I swore each time I woke up I would remember them. Yet now I can't.
But it was still so great to talk to him if only in my dreams.

The Future?

I was asked the question last night about my future and where I see it. It startled me and I had to think. My honest answer was "I don't see a future for myself". How sad I was when I thought of it and of my answer. My follow up comment was that I hoped to still be living. My answer and comments to that question have haunted me ever since. Do I have a future? I would like to think that I do. I just can't see it right now, at least I hope that is the case.
The Future??????

Life....

Life as I know it includes gray skies with no sunshine. It is very bleak in my world. I try, oh how I try to let the sun in. But it always seems just out of my grasp. My heart and soul seems bound by pain. My world is one that is void of color, no matter my attempts to paint it as something else.

I keep waiting for the day when I can walk in the sun again. To have these heavy chains lifted from my heart. To not have the ache that always is there. A picture I see is no longer of you and me. To wake in the morning and look forward to the day, instead of it being one full of dread. This is my life as I know it.

The world turns and life goes on. I just am not sure how I go on. Without you is there really any reason for it to.