Dating

What can I say, I went out on a date. Shocking I know as I have not dated much since my life got flipped upside down. Thankfully he was a nice, sane guy. Or so he seems at this point. It was very unexpected. But I went with it and am glad I did. But it did make me realize that I really am ready to date someone, or so I seem to think.

I'm not looking to date alot of guys, just one would do it. But I do have my likes and dislikes in a man. So far this one at least fits the look I find appealing, he also has a quick wit about him and likes to laugh. We spent almost 2 hours at dinner. Does that mean the date went well? I did get a good night kiss, actually it was more like kisses.

Not sure what's gonna happen with it. But that's not my concern at this point. We still have to see if we click in the bedrooom department. Not sure when that's gonna happen, but I'm not in a rush for that either. We're supposed to see each again this week. My question to myself at this point is am I really ready for another date?

There are times I really want someone in my life and then others were I don't. It's a balancing act I guess. I just don't know if I'm good at it anymore. I guess time will tell and it can be entertaining if nothing else, long as they aren't bad dates I guess it's ok. I just don't like kissing frogs.

It's The Little Things

I have to come to realize, that as a single man there are things I miss about no longer have someone in my life. I can endure many things. I'm strong like that. But every now and then I wish that there was someone here for me in more then a friendship kind of way.

I miss not having someone to talk to during the course of my day, you know. When you call just to say "hi, how's your day going?".
I miss having someone touch me in a moment of embrace, whether a hand on my back or slipping their hand into mine.
You see, it really is the little things that we end up missing the most. I hope I have that again someday. But as I have learned, there are no guarantees in life. But still, it would be nice.

You Tease...

The weather has been so nice this week, with temps in the low to upper 40's and even above 50 on one day. But I know in my heart it's just one great big tease. Monther Nature gets all excited because of the warmer weather then, BAM, she's gonna hit us again with another dose of winter reality.
Oh well, it's still nice to have the nicer weather. And it just makes me for long spring even more.
Chicago in spring time is beautiful to me. So many tress and plants blooming everything and everyone feels and alive and comes out of their winter hiding. But until then I guess I'll take the hint and tease of spring to come.

Expectations

We all have them, sometimes they are met and other times not so much. I try not to expect anything. But I'm human and I do. So I hate it when I let myself get down and depressed when someone or something does not meet what I expected. It's funny how it can affect my whole mood for the day and night.

But every now and then, we get a little something that helps to lift that bad feeling from being let down. And I realized last night, that it's been a long time since I had any hopes or expectations of anything or anyone. It was both good and bad. It made me aware of the fact that I am still alive, that in and of itself is great.

But it also made me realize that I should not do that again. It's my life, the good and the bad. If I don't expect anything, then whatever I do get is just a bonus and then I won't suffer from disappointment when my expectations are not met.

You Can't Go Back....

Well I have been on vacation for the last couple of weeks, with my final destination being Key West. This is where it all started for Michael and I. Since his death I have not been back here having sold our home here last year. And while I have enjoyed it and have loved the warmth and sunshine I have realized that it no longer has the allure that it once did.

Like all places, change is a given and the Keys are no exception. It's still beautiful and very laid back, but it's different now. I was shocked to hear of some of the rumors that went around down here regarding Michaels death. But also very saddened by them.

I actually had even thought of buying another home here in the future, but I realized that I can't recapture what once was. And though I will always hold Key West dear to my heart it is now time to let go and move forward because as hard as you may try, you can't go back.

I am ready for my home in Chicago and what lies ahead for me. Coming back here I think was just what I needed to do. Is another love in the cards for me? I don't know. I would like to think so. Time will tell I guess.