A Summer Day In Spring

The weather was so great today. We topped off in the mid 80's and abundant sunshine. It was such a nice change. I threw open the windows and basked in the warmth. I know it was only for the day but it's a reminder of what is just around the corner.

Dropped!!

Friends, unfortunately some of them come and go. And that's to be expected, people change and their lives evolve and they move on. What is sad though is when someone you thought was your friend suddenly just disappears from your life. No reason why, no returned commuications telling you what happened. It's as if you just cease to exist. You're just dropped from their life. It's not the first time and I'm sure it won't be the last. I just wish people would have the maturity to tell me this and inform me that my friendship is no longer desired or wanted. At least then you know instead of wondering what you did or what changed that brought the friendship to a close. I think it's only polite to be told you're being dropped as a friend.

Peace Within

I think it's important for everyone to take time, and to reflect and look at their inner self. You might be surprised at what you discover. The desire for me to do this is that it allows me the chance to make sure I'm ok that I am doing well and am happy with who I am as a person. Evenings or later in the night is always the time in which I do this. Sometimes I find I'm not doing so well and then there are times were I am really happy at the peace that I have within myself. I recommend everyone doing it at some point. It can tell you alot about yourself.

Death

I think about it a lot. Usually not a day goes by that it doesn't cross my mind. I will start to wonder if the place or places I am driving to will be the day that I have a fatal accident. Or as I am walking somewhere I will have a similiar thought. I know it's morbid. I don't do this on purpose, it just seems to be were my thought pattern goes. Last night Winston my dog was extremely restless in his crate. He awoke me at 3:17 in the morning, he wasn't barking or making any noise, it was the way he was moving around or possibly pulling at the crate door that woke me. I thought maybe he wasn't well, so I checked on him. He seemed fine, no mess or anything. So I went back to bed. A few minutes later he was back at it. So I lay there thinking ok, maybe he senses something I don't. Maybe there is something about to happen in the building and this is his way of alerting me. So I got up, got dressed, took him out for a quick walk, which seemed to be what he needed. Got back into the condo. Put him back to bed and just laid there. Listening to the night. Wondering about things that could go wrong and could this be the night. Well shortly after 5am he started back up again. I was not amused. Back outside we went. Then back inside and this time I let him sleep in my room. But the thoughts of something being wrong still loomed large in my thoughts. Tragic events that happen to us in our life really do change one's perception of things and how we think. Mine happens to be death.

Who's Left?

A friend and I have been reminincing about when we were younger, and I began to wonder about the people in my life and who I feel really know me. And I don't mean just know me. I mean who really knows me. Who is left in my life that can remind me of things that we did or said as a young man or a teenager even. Or even how I once thought of something.
And I realized there are not alot of those people left. It made me sad. Granted there are still people in my life who know a great deal about me, but it still makes me wonder about who's left.

A Hint Of Spring

The weather was awesome today, topped off around 60 and sunny. I had to run errands out in the suburbs. So on my way home as I was cruising Lake Shore Drive I dropped the top on the car. I love days like this.
Then I putzed around on the rooftop deck. Just checking things out and enjoying the sunshine. I am so ready to get everything in place up there for the summer months. It's just a matter of time of now and I for one can't wait.

Full Circle

Well today I got a shocking notice in my email, an old friend had finally found me on Facebook and wanted to "friend" me. I was startled, rumour had it that he had passed. I guess it was a bad rumour. He was alive and kicking. I was thrilled, I had never totally believed the rumour and had tried over the years to varify it. To no avail.

This is a man who I had known since my late teens and we lived and experienced so much together as young gay men. I think of the things we did, the places we went. The romances that we got each other through, including our own. Though I don't think we ever really considered ourselves involved. We knew each other like no other. And I don't think there was anything that we did not share with the other. If there was trouble to get into we found it.

We got to talk on the phone this morning, and of course tried to catch each other up on our lives and what has happened over the last 15+ years since we had seen each other. It was a most wonderfull thing for me. And to hear his voice after all this time. A flood of memories to say the least. We have both aged of course and have taken some knocks from life. We are older and wiser, but I still felt that connection from all those years ago. I want to sit and talk with him, face to face. There is no one in my life who has known me longer and knows more about me then he.
With all the people that have re-entered my life I feel as though things have come full circle for me.
I am not sure that there is anyone left out there that I have not reconnected with that really matters to me. Maybe there is. But this one knocked me for a loop. I wanted to cry after our conversation. Tears of joy and sadness really, for all the time that has come and gone and things that have yet to come.

And I know that it is because of Michael's death that these things matter to me. I am still learning. And still living this thing called life. I realize that people enter your life at different times, some stay a part of your, and some do not. But I am gratefull for the ones have stayed in mine.